Me Myself and "I"

To Whom it May Concern;

To be independent, you kind of need to think of and for yourself. No more of this crap about the feelings of other people or what is most convenient for them. You need to claw and scrape your path and not wander down anybody else simply because they beckoned you with their presence.

There is only a little truth in that. You must find a balance to be compassionate and to have your best interests as your number one priority. There are all these sayings about how one needs to look outward instead of inward. Selfishness is a negative thing, but being bold and standing up for your ideals is definitely a positive thing.

Think about what you want and if it doesn't conflict too much with the well-being of other people... then go for it. You need to take care of yourself first so that you can take care of others.

This includes everything. From feeling good about yourself from brushing your teeth to spending a weekend working so that you have a little more cash to buffer that place between debt and wealth.

You're an adult, take care of yourself.

Sincerely,
Independent Month

H is for House

To Whom it May Concern;

As I have been the resident "property manager" for my parent's house, it is needless to say that keeping everything in working/proper order is basically up to me. So when the power went out due to fierce winds or some other such nonsense I had a tiny panic attack.

I am not prepared.

I can't even deal with a broken washer and now I'm thinking of all the other things that could go wrong. A gas leak, a tree falling on the house, a fire, an earthquake, a flood, a plague of locusts, world war III...

Anyways, I have these responsibilities to take care of and act for the house and obviously I am not prepared to do them.

Is there something that you are obligated to do and have not yet got around to doing it?

Make a list and carry out each thing. I can't search the number for the power company if the power is out. Write that number down along with all the other utility numbers. Make a 72 hour kit. Learn about the kind of insurance that you have and the kind of insurance the property has.

Knowing what to do and having the information to do it is part of being a responsible adult.

Sincerely,
Independent Month

Geeze

To Whom it May Concern;

My sister and her friends just had a little party at my house. I do not know how I feel about this since I felt somewhat out of place. The issue with the cat has been lengthened... but only till I find that third roommate.

The washing machine does not need to be fixed... yet. My roommate will be bringing her own one, so that is lucky for me. A little too lucky. This world seems to be growing soft on me again. Where is the hardship of forging my way into the world?

I can not grow without a challenge. I need to be moved to such a stressful state of pain and fear and overwhelmingness in order to become tough... maybe somewhere along the way I did grow tough, but not enough.

If you are going through a relatively quiet time with small or few struggles then I urge you to take this time and do all that crap that you put off because you were too swamped with feels. Keep challenging yourself, that continuous progression is what makes you wiser and stronger.

Sincerely,
Independent Month

Freedom

To Whom it May Concern;

I feel compelled to tell you about one of the most awesome feelings in the world. Freedom. In the United States I know we take it way too much for granted, which is why I was so deeply impacted by it.

You see, when I lived under the roof/authority of my parents this included submitting to my mother's hoarding... erm... tendencies. Anything I put in the garbage was scrutinized and 80% of the time I would probably find it years later in one of the layers of my parent's bedroom... because of this invasion of my garbage-privacy and the fact that when you are a teenager basically everything of yours is embarrassing, I started being very finnicky about what I could throw away. If I put something of ANY worth (I'm talking used christmas bows and homework from all grades) then my mother would probably make her "values" known to me. Basically, she would criticize me for throwing basically anything away (and then save it despite MY decision and arguing to get rid of it).

And then I moved away. When I finally threw out an old pair of underwear... just tossed it in the garbage... I was blown away by a feeling of absolute freedom. This was normal. You get rid of old things when they are of no use. This is what I believed in. This is what I was allowed to act upon.

Do not let the values of your parents get in the way of what you believe in. There are some moral ideas that are instilled in your makeup and those make you a good person, but in the ways of material possessions and anything involving OCD, do things in the way that you think is normal. It will give you peace of mind and a taste of what real freedom is about - making your own choices.

Sincerely,
Independent Month

Elegance is Overrated

To Whom it May Concern;

One of the more difficult and unspoken things about being the youngest and or trying to find your way in life as a responsible and independent adult is a little obstacle called "perfection". You say to yourself that you are going to pay all the bills in a timely manner. You're going to get the perfect job that pays enough money to never have to worry about expenses. You're going to have a car that never breaks. You're going to magically turn into this considerate, charitable and elegant human being.

No. Not gonna happen.

There are pitfalls for everyone in this world. We can forget things, be anxious about things, scared to do things. We are only human. And no matter what image of idealism you have in your head, you are never going to fit it perfectly. The best thing for you to do is shape your idealism around your own personality and keep it as realistic as possible. You know the achievable things that you can change about yourself, you also know the things that you never want to give up. Wearing sweatpants in the middle of the day for a week straight... annoying the heck out of your roommates because you love singing... being incredibly weird...

You need to Embrace you for who you are, improve on the things that you can and accept everything that comes your way. Good luck.

Sincerely,
Independent Month

Daring Darling

To Whom it May Concern;

When you live on your own without your parents or older siblings to magically solve your problems... you have to be daring.

• When your only washing machine breaks... dare yourself find a way to fix it.

• When the dishes pile up... dare yourself to wash them.

• When you wake up and you find out you have been sleeping on top of a freshly dead mouse all night... dare yourself to try not to throw up, toss it outside, scourge yourself in the shower and wash your sheets...

• And if you can't fix your washing machine... well then... good luck.

Do your fears stop you from living? If they do then they are a problem and you should talk to someone. For those of us who know what bravery and courage means... a moment of fear or gruesomeness will be just that. A moment. Close your eyes, pick up that mouse (no, not the computer one, the dead one underneath your pillow...) and just get it over with. The more you think about it, the more time you spend delaying will be more time in fear and anxiety. I am sure there is something that you have been putting off. Just do it. You are capable of finding a solution and maybe part of that solution is asking someone else. This is what being an adult is all about.

Sincerely,
Independent Month

Cats of the Family

To Whom it May Concern;

Because the life of the youngest sibling is quite stable, at least in my case, it would seem that the care taking of animals in need would be my responsibility. I do love cats, but what of this responsibility? In my attempts to rent out one of the rooms in my house, it would appear as though I have rented out an entire room to my sister's cat.

Let's forget the one I was already pet sitting and deal with this other one for a minute. (Yes there are two). It seems that despite how immature and irresponsible the youngest of the family can be, the older siblings can still do silly things. My sister picked up a cat on a whim... ON A WHIM! and then brought it back to her apartment where it was soon thereafter kicked out by the landlord by threat of eviction.

I am sure you all have dealt with a situation where someone imposed on you... where you suddenly had responsibilities that aren't really your responsibilities. Do not let people walk all over you. Give them a deadline and rules and just like that landlord, ACT. Nothing is going to get done otherwise. Sure a cat is great and all, but I'm sure there is another family that would love to have it too.

I have left a cat behind before. Going and living on your own... you can barely remember to feed yourself let alone another creature. One week... one week and then it is gone.

Sincerely,
Independent Month

Banking without Family

To Whom it May Concern,

One of the hardest things about becoming an adult is a little thing called money. The obtaining of money, the budgeting of money, the saving of money. These are all things that you didn't really have to deal with before when you had that magic plastic card. You might still have one of those, but you're never going to learn if you don't grasp the financial aspect on your own.

I opened my first checking account two years ago when I was nineteen. My parents didn't do it for me. My siblings didn't do it for me. I had a check that I needed to cash otherwise it would be worth as much as a bit of paper. So I did what you should do before doing anything else... research.

I looked up every major bank. I taught myself what all those fancy terms meant... all from the safety of my computer. Finally, I came to the conclusion which one suited me best. This was not done whimsically. I wrote lists of pros and cons. Placed question marks next to the terms I still didn't know and all of it added up. This took WEEKS.

On a subject I had been ignorant about, I was now fairly adept.

That is what it means to grow up.
You teach yourself new things.
No body else is going to do it for you.

Sincerely,
Independent Month

Anchor of the Family

To Whom it May Concern;

Even though you cannot find any foundation in the real world, you need to realize that your siblings even if they consider you as an annoying spoiled brat... you are the constant thing in their life that they never think will change. Perhaps it is good to stick with what identity they assume of you so long as it does not conflict with your "growing up."

Your older siblings can trust you to always be you. That trust is love. They can share all of their secrets with you. They can disclose information to you that they may not even tell their best friends. There is a responsibility and honor to be this person.

Your parents rely on the fact that you are a helpless creature. Sure you can milk them for all they are worth while you talk to them, but when you are on your own. Out of sight and out of mind. Then is the time to practice those things which make up your growing independent personality.

Never burn the bridges behind you. You may slip back into that "baby of the family" role when you are around people who knew you then, but family is important. They will not turn their backs on you when something bad happens. And let me tell, you on this journey there will be plenty of bad stuff that happens. So be that anchor that your family needs. And they will supply a ready foundation for you too.

Sincerely,
Independent Month

Baby of the Family?

To Whom it May Concern;

Growing up as the youngest in a large family is harder than most people expect. You become the target, the manipulator of parents, the baby, the irresponsible one, the incapable of functioning independently... well that last one might just be me, but maybe it is you too.

The older kids of a large family are the pioneers, the adventurers who brave the outside world for the first time, while the younger ones are left behind. We follow in the footsteps of these giants, these examples, or at least we want to. We think that if they can do it then so can we. There is some truth in it. As the youngest, it has been my experience that the closer your parental units come to becoming empty-nesters the closer they try to hold onto you.

It's not enough for them to merely be as overprotective as they have been during the course of your whole life, they worry that you are some fragile thing that might break. There is truth in this too. You are not forged out of the wanderlust-driven material that your siblings are crafted from. You have been on a relatively easy path and never faced the rugged terrain that seemingly all other people have crossed.

At some point in your life you realize that someone else has taken care of you for the majority of it. At some point you tremble at the vast expanse of world there is out there and the responsibilities assigned to you (either spoken or more frighteningly unspoken).

Making phone calls, paying bills, opening bank accounts, closing bank accounts, paying taxes, getting a job, shopping for groceries, cleaning your bathroom...

suddenly feeding yourself seems to have become one of the most difficult things in the world.

Ironically, it is like you are a baby again.

A helpless infant learns from its parents.

An ignorant (yet capable) adult learns from direct experience. For those people out there who never learned to function independently, your parents didn't teach you autonomy. Being your own self with your own responsibilities is one of the fundamental things that a child needs. You need it to survive in the world.

I have already started my journey for independence, but for you I will recount to you those first treks into the unknown. Watch and learn as I grow up for realz. 

Sincerely,

Independent Month